quarta-feira, 30 de outubro de 2013

INTIMIDADE EMOCIONAL

Essa semana eu tô batendo na tecla COMUNICAÇÃO. Por mais que esse assunto seja clichê, a comunicação anda em extinção por aí!


"Na mesa, a foto de casamento olhava para eles, zombeteiramente, pois suas mentes não mais conseguiam se tocar. Viviam com enormes barreiras entre si, que nem mesmo aríetes, nem artilharias podiam alcançar ou derrubar. Em algum lugar entre o primeiro dente do filho mais velho e a formatura do caçula, um se distanciou do outro, até perdê-lo. Através dos anos, cada qual quis desenrolar uma bola de barbante chamada ‘ego’, no entanto, enquanto isoladamente puxavam seus nós com teimosia, escondiam do outro sua procura.

Às vezes ela chorava, escondida pela noite, pedindo à escuridão que contasse a ele que aquele choro era dela. Mas, deitado ao seu lado, ele roncava como um urso em hibernação, alheio ao inverno que ela atravessava.

Uma vez, depois de ter 'feito amor', ele quis falar-lhe de seu medo de morrer, mas temeu desnudar sua alma. Ao invés, galanteador, elogiava os seios dela.

Ela estudou arte moderna procurando se encontrar. Ao espalhar firmemente as cores na tela com pinceladas bruscas, reclamava com uma colega da insensibilidade dos homens.

Ele se enclausurou num túmulo chamado 'escritório'; embrulhou sua mente em montes de papelada e dados e se enterrou no meio de seus clientes.

Vagarosamente, quase que de modo imperceptível, o muro se ergueu entre os dois, cimentado pela indiferença.

Certa ocasião tentaram se achar, mas não conseguiram mais encontrar-se. A barreira estava ali, intransponível. Recuaram, agredidos pela frieza das pedras daquele muro. Cada um retrocedeu diante da pessoa estranha que tinha ao seu lado.

O amor não morre num momento de batalha feroz, nem quando corpos ardentes perdem seu calor, mas quando, exausto, ele desiste, deitando-se vencido ao pé de um muro que não pode transpor”.

Esse texto poético é de autoria desconhecida, mas descreve as devastações causadas pelas barreiras, pelos muros construídos a partir do medo que a pessoa tem de expor seu íntimo. Apropriadamente, o texto se chama MUROS. 

Pra manter o casamento, a comunicação é primordial, imprescindível.

A diferença básica entre um casal infeliz e um casal feliz está na sua comunicação.


"A morte e a vida estão no poder da língua; o que bem a utiliza come do seu fruto". Já dizia Salomão com toda sua sabedoria em Provérbios 18:21

Cada um tem "seu mundo." A esposa tem o marido, as tarefas do lar, as crianças, seus medos e anseios. Se trabalha fora, tem chefe ou funcionários, se relaciona com os colegas de trabalho e esse é “seu mundo”. Enquanto isso o marido tem o trabalho dele, viagens de negócio, responsabilidades com o trabalho e com o sustento da casa, os colegas com quem se relaciona, a esposa, os filhos e esse é o “seu mundo”. 

É necessário de exista uma ponte ligando o mundo da esposa e o mundo do marido. Esta ponte é a comunicação. Sem a comunicação não há meios para um compartilhar as tristezas ou alegrias com o outro. Não há como uma parte do casamento sentir o que a outra está sentindo. Não há meios para uma parte entender as emoções profundas da outra. Em muitos casamentos, essa ponte está quase caindo ou já caiu. 

É triste presenciar a tragédia de um casamento sem intimidade emocional porque a ponte do diálogo não existe mais. O casal que está diante dessa catástrofe e quer salvar seu casamento precisa, com urgência, consertar essa ponte.

Uma das maneiras mais práticas de manter intacta a ponte da comunicação e não construir muros é não culpar ou criticar o cônjuge. Em vez de culpar, atacar, criticar, destruir, fale de seus sentimentos, mágoas, ofensas de forma calma. É absolutamente possível dizer o que te incomoda usando as palavras certas e o tom adequado. 

Ninguém casa com a intensão de machucar o outro, mas com o tempo a comunicação pode se corromper e, agora, você pode estar se sentindo completamente sozinha ou ofendida.

É muito difícil voltar atrás e consertar a ponte, mas nada é impossível. Basta dar o primeiro passou rumo àquela felicidade que os dois deixaram passar, que esqueceram em algum lugar desse caminho já trilhado.

Você está disposta?

Escrevi esse texto inspirada no livro A Arte de Permanecer Casado. (Adquira esse livro com 20% de desconto usando o cupom COISADECASADA nas Livrarias Família Cristã).


Marido trabalha junto comigo, mesmo assim temos mundos diferentes e mantemos a nossa ponte intacta! =)



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